To: Birthday Persons

karmadminKarmic Event: 12187 / Wilton, CT Leave a Comment

Dear Birthday Persons,2015 Birthday Greetings Protocol

A mass “Happy Birthday” on Facebook is a generic gesture and in many cases it is one of many generic greetings. This form of birthday greeting does not require a direct acknowledgement. An unnecessary but nice response is to simply “Like” the greeting. Again not required.

A direct text message or messenger greeting is more personal. This greeting is reserved for close friends who do not need the Facebook world to see you said, happy birthday, but more importantly the person themselves. The proper response to a direct happy birthday is a reply of, Thank you. Failure to do so is an insult. It is like saying, I do not care that you care enough to send me a personal greeting.

To those of you who do not adhere to these common social protocols, may your birthdays suck!

To: Kanye

karmadminKarmic Event: 8462 / New York, NY 1 Comment

Dear Kanye,Your karma stinks because you are a bully and a sore loser. Who made you an expert on artistry? Especially with lyrics like “Don’t try to treat me like I ain’t famous my apologies, are you into astrology cause I’m tryin to make it to Uranus”.

To: Meg C.

karmadminKarmic Event: 8311 / LOS ANGELES, CA Leave a Comment

Dear Meg C.,Your karma stinks because you gave me a silver plate frame to welcome my new daughter and it’s obviously a regift. Apparently you never took it out of the bubble wrap. Wyatt’s initials are engraved front and center. W. S. C. Do the letters also stand for why so cheap?

To: Retailers of America

karmadminKarmic Event: 8227 / LOS ANGELES, CA 2 Comments

Dear Retailers of America,,Your karma stinks because you are open for business Thanksgiving Day. It’s a day for family, not shopping.

 

To: Neighbor

karmadminKarmic Event: 7984 / Charlotte, NC    1 Comment

Dear Neighbor,Your karma stinks because you poisoned us at your party with your cheap booze. What’s with putting out Smirnoff vodka for your guests and then, while looking for ice, I see a giant bottle of Ketel One in your freezer?

To: Hipster buying coffee in West LA

karmadminKarmic Event: 7957 / LOS ANGELES, CA Leave a Comment

Dear Hipster buying coffee in West LA,Your karma stinks because you think you are so hilarious when you give the baristas your ridiculous fake coffee shop names and they get flustered. You were Jebediah Oberon 2 days ago (OK, I admit it was memorable) and today you were Bartholomew Jedi. If you are trying to flirt bro, it’s not working. All you do is slow the line down and look like an ass. Might be better just to go by Dick.