Dear Ben,Your karma stinks because you have left your family and ruined their lives.
To: Birthday Persons
Dear Birthday Persons,2015 Birthday Greetings Protocol
A mass “Happy Birthday” on Facebook is a generic gesture and in many cases it is one of many generic greetings. This form of birthday greeting does not require a direct acknowledgement. An unnecessary but nice response is to simply “Like” the greeting. Again not required.
A direct text message or messenger greeting is more personal. This greeting is reserved for close friends who do not need the Facebook world to see you said, happy birthday, but more importantly the person themselves. The proper response to a direct happy birthday is a reply of, Thank you. Failure to do so is an insult. It is like saying, I do not care that you care enough to send me a personal greeting.
To those of you who do not adhere to these common social protocols, may your birthdays suck!
To: Jon Stewart
Dear Jessica,Your karma stinks because you think you are better than your own mother, you have called her every name in the book but mom. This woman gave up so much of her life to you, she could have had an abortion but she chose you and you treat her like shit! The first time she tells you no, you disown her! I would have busted your face for allowing that dick headed shit to talk to me that way. You are too blind to even see he controls you, even the way you think is his thoughts. I hope you wake up out of your pot haze and get out with your kids while you can still make something of yourself. Some fathers don’t need to be in their children’s life because they do more damage than good with their presence. I am sure you will choose to remain stupid and the children have to suffer for it. So the next time you want to tell your mother how shitty she is, look at the shit you have done and your behaviour to her and then see who is shitty.
Dear Brenda,Your karma stinks because you have chose to walk away from The Lord as well as your marriage. It’s our christian duty to live for The Lord and we as Christians need just one reason to stay with our lover: the analogy of Christ and his church. If you don’t believe in heaven, divorce can make a lot of sense. Marriage can never remove the trials, but even difficult marriages to difficult men can give women the strength to become the people god created them to be. Make things right with your marriage, don’t give up make things right.
To: Meg C.
Dear Neighbor,Your karma stinks because you poisoned us at your party with your cheap booze. What’s with putting out Smirnoff vodka for your guests and then, while looking for ice, I see a giant bottle of Ketel One in your freezer?