To: Birthday Persons

karmadminKarmic Event: 12187 / Wilton, CT Leave a Comment

Dear Birthday Persons,2015 Birthday Greetings Protocol

A mass “Happy Birthday” on Facebook is a generic gesture and in many cases it is one of many generic greetings. This form of birthday greeting does not require a direct acknowledgement. An unnecessary but nice response is to simply “Like” the greeting. Again not required.

A direct text message or messenger greeting is more personal. This greeting is reserved for close friends who do not need the Facebook world to see you said, happy birthday, but more importantly the person themselves. The proper response to a direct happy birthday is a reply of, Thank you. Failure to do so is an insult. It is like saying, I do not care that you care enough to send me a personal greeting.

To those of you who do not adhere to these common social protocols, may your birthdays suck!

To: Kanye

karmadminKarmic Event: 8462 / New York, NY 1 Comment

Dear Kanye,Your karma stinks because you are a bully and a sore loser. Who made you an expert on artistry? Especially with lyrics like “Don’t try to treat me like I ain’t famous my apologies, are you into astrology cause I’m tryin to make it to Uranus”.

To: Meg C.

karmadminKarmic Event: 8311 / LOS ANGELES, CA Leave a Comment

Dear Meg C.,Your karma stinks because you gave me a silver plate frame to welcome my new daughter and it’s obviously a regift. Apparently you never took it out of the bubble wrap. Wyatt’s initials are engraved front and center. W. S. C. Do the letters also stand for why so cheap?

To: Dave

karmadminKarmic Event: 8071 / New York, NY Leave a Comment

Dear Dave,Your karma stinks because every time you go to the UK for business, you come back with a fake accent that lasts for 3 weeks and you forget how to curse. All I hear is “Piss off!” and “Bloody hell!”.

To: Neighbor

karmadminKarmic Event: 7984 / Charlotte, NC    1 Comment

Dear Neighbor,Your karma stinks because you poisoned us at your party with your cheap booze. What’s with putting out Smirnoff vodka for your guests and then, while looking for ice, I see a giant bottle of Ketel One in your freezer?

To: Vegan Seatmate

karmadminKarmic Event: 7961 / LOS ANGELES, CA Leave a Comment

Dear Vegan Seatmate on Virgin Flight VS003,Your karma stinks because you could not stop ranting that there was nothing for you to eat on a recent flight to JFK. For almost 2 hours, you went on and on about our evil government, animal suffering, toxic food, and your extreme hunger. Ugh. Next time pack nuts instead of driving me crazy.