Dear Sam,Your karma stinks because you’re an effing douchebag. I really want to punch you in your spoiled, pretty boy face. You have no idea how to run a business properly. My hotel is not your playground or personal piggy bank. Learn to manage or gtfo.
Dear Birthday Persons,2015 Birthday Greetings Protocol
A mass “Happy Birthday” on Facebook is a generic gesture and in many cases it is one of many generic greetings. This form of birthday greeting does not require a direct acknowledgement. An unnecessary but nice response is to simply “Like” the greeting. Again not required.
A direct text message or messenger greeting is more personal. This greeting is reserved for close friends who do not need the Facebook world to see you said, happy birthday, but more importantly the person themselves. The proper response to a direct happy birthday is a reply of, Thank you. Failure to do so is an insult. It is like saying, I do not care that you care enough to send me a personal greeting.
To those of you who do not adhere to these common social protocols, may your birthdays suck!
Dear Tamie,Your karma stinks because I see the way you carry on! I wonder what management would think of the shit that goes on between you 2! I use to think extremely high of you but what a slut! I am tired of it so I guess a talk to the right people is needed! Maybe you and Robert can carry on in the unemployment line together! I am watching both of you it has gone on to long! Nice house by the way! I really like New Lenox.
Dear Microwave food bomber,Your karma stinks because you microwave the living daylights out of your food, so much that it expodes all over the inside of the microwave… CLEAN IT UP. I spent 20 minutes cleaning the inside of the mircowave of unidentifiable junk, I wanted to throw up. I even called CSI, the splatter experts have profiled you as a sick loser with lack of consideration for others… So beware, we have your profile and will be tracking you down. And just like Dexter, we will deal with your serial microwave killing ways!
The Karmic Avenger
Dear Neighbor,Your karma stinks because you poisoned us at your party with your cheap booze. What’s with putting out Smirnoff vodka for your guests and then, while looking for ice, I see a giant bottle of Ketel One in your freezer?
Dear Ass Face Client,Your karma stinks because you came in at the last minute with two years of business tax returns for me to prepare. Your data consisted of envelopes of receipts you expected me to categorize one by one, ripped pieces of paper and stick it notes and a few bank statements. I contacted your bookkeeper who refused to help because you owed her money. I quoted you a price that you said was 1/2 of what you were expecting. I paid a contractor to work over the weekend because the IRS said they needed it by Wednesday. I did an awesome job for you in the time frame you indicated.
You did not pay me. You do not answer my e-mails and phone calls. Nothing.
Why? Because your karma stinks and that’s what stinky-karma people do.
Dear Kevin,Your karma stinks because you have consistently ignored my emails and phone calls for the last 3 weeks.