Dear Annette,I think you are my moms nurse and you were real nice to her. I would like to return the karma and take you to dinner and entertain you for a night or weekend. I hope you are single since you don’t have a ring on. I will mail again soon.
Dear Birthday Persons,2015 Birthday Greetings Protocol
A mass “Happy Birthday” on Facebook is a generic gesture and in many cases it is one of many generic greetings. This form of birthday greeting does not require a direct acknowledgement. An unnecessary but nice response is to simply “Like” the greeting. Again not required.
A direct text message or messenger greeting is more personal. This greeting is reserved for close friends who do not need the Facebook world to see you said, happy birthday, but more importantly the person themselves. The proper response to a direct happy birthday is a reply of, Thank you. Failure to do so is an insult. It is like saying, I do not care that you care enough to send me a personal greeting.
To those of you who do not adhere to these common social protocols, may your birthdays suck!
Dear Kim G.,Your karma stinks because you can’t quit being a slut. You go after everyones boyfriend and wonder why you get called names. Get a clue, quit screwing people over especially your friends or even strangers for that matter. Admit yourself to psychiatric hospital and get help. Do everyone a favor and go away.
Dear Creator,Your karma stinks because as a divorced/single man in his 40’s I have come to discover you only make 3 kinds of attractive woman; dumb, crazy, and taken. I am requesting that you become a little more open-minded and add a fourth kind, normal/available. I understand this kind would be a variation not nearly as fun for you, but hook a brother up.
Do you know how frustrating it is to get up the courage to ask a beautiful woman out only to find out that you have met house plants with better personalities? Granted most of them have a Ph.D. in important stuff like shampoo and handbags but that doesn’t help. And the crazy ones, they can be fun. I mean a lot of fun, until you realize the fun is only insanity in disguise. And the most heartbreaking of them all… When you meet a smart, funny, amazing woman and you think to yourself, there has to be something wrong, she is perfect! And then to find out she IS perfect, but for someone else like her boyfriend or husband.
I don’t think I am asking for much. I mean come on, I am a good guy… could you do a limited release, like a collectors set?… please and thank you.
The Karmic Avenger
Dear Neighbor,Your karma stinks because you poisoned us at your party with your cheap booze. What’s with putting out Smirnoff vodka for your guests and then, while looking for ice, I see a giant bottle of Ketel One in your freezer?